Today was a hard day.

Today was a hard day. I know I said it once but it was the kind of day that deserves to be acknowledged.

Today, I shot my first funeral. I never would have thought I would ever do photography at a funeral. Ever. Not my thing. I never want to do another one.

The reason I agreed to do this was because it was for a baby. A perfect, tiny newborn.

Last week, I got a call from a woman, "My best friend was __ weeks pregnant and lost her baby. Would you come take photos for the family? Like, is that something you do?" To anyone ever asking, the answer is YES! After talking to the father, I learned that they wanted me to photograph the birth. While I have never photographed a birth before, this is one of those situations that NEEDS to be documented. This baby would never get to have those million photographs as a newborn, the clumsy toddler photos, the toothless grins, the first day of school photos, etc. This was it for her and she needed to be documented. These parents needed something to hold onto and say, "This is my daughter. Isn't she beautiful? She's with Jesus right now."

Unfortunately, there were complications that prevented me from being able to photograph the birth. BUT, when they asked if I would EVER photograph a funeral, I didn't hesitate. I said yes.

I have been sitting here for almost a week trying to come up with the words to say to those poor parents. The best I have come up with? I. Am. So. Unbelievably. Sorry.

I am sorry for what this last week has been like. I am sorry for what the next months, maybe years are going to be like. I am sorry you wont get to watch her first steps, hear her first words, fix her first scraped knee. I'm sorry you won't get to hear her laughing, crying, or arguing with her big brothers. I'm sorry you won't get to teach her to read or watch her graduate. I'm sorry you won't get to walk her down the isle or dance with her at her wedding. I'm sorry you won't get to watch her grow into a wonderful mother that she CLEARLY would be with you two as parents. I. Am. So. Unbelievably. Sorry.

This one hit close to home for me.

While I have photographed for Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep before... and handled it as well as a person can photographing a BEAUTIFUL baby boy born incompatible with life can... this one was different.

I remember how BROKEN I was when I was told I had lost my baby in 2016. After the first doctor told me it was a miscarriage, I zoned out so hard I don't recall the rest of our conversation. I don't remember going home. After my second doctor told me it was a healthy pregnancy. My third doctor told me that my baby was there... but growing in the wrong place... I remember it all. I remember mourning the loss ever and over and over.

In 2017, My second daughter was a preemie born at the same gestation as this little girl. But Hazel made it. Yeah, she spent some time in the NICU, but she got to go home. I remember how scared I was when she was in the NICU; How worried I was about whether she would make it home.

Today was Hazel's fifth birthday.

This was personal.

Take the picture.

Take the selfie, the daily bump pictures, the photos of your kids... have your husband, best friend, neighbor, or photographer (I know a good one...) document your family.

They did a slide show today of photos for this little girl's funeral. I am so glad they had maternity photos done. It is hard to create a slideshow for a baby who isn't there to be documented. It is hard to make a slide show for a PERSON who isn't photographed. Take the photo. Do it for you, your friends, your family, your pastor, your neighbors, etc. Life is SO short.. too short.. to not leave a trail. Leave your image, your mark, your whatever you want to call it.

Just take the photo.